Spoiler Alert
Write the text of your article here! Summary Joel and Matt have a friendly discussion about movies. You might want to watch this short before someone ruins it for you. Plot thumb|500px|left Characters Matt Joel Nathan Geoff Gus Continuity Scene Transcription Scene of Matt sitting at his desk editing a video. He nods his head in approval of his work. Matt: Joel. (cut to Joel turning away from his computer, and rolling his chair towards Matt) Joel: Hey, man. What are you doing? Matt: Just doing a little editing. Joel (curiously): Oh yeah, really? Matt: Well, actually I’m reviewing some editing that Nathan already did, but if it’s good I am going to take credit for it. Joel: Oh yeah, sure. We’ve all done that (camera focuses on Nathan in the background, who turns his head begrudgingly at the two). So what are you guys working on? Matt: Do you remember that short film we shot? Joel: No, not really. Matt: OK, cool. Joel: I remember Nathan shooting something. Matt: Lemme just play the ending for you. Joel: No, no. I don’t want to see how it ends. Matt (exhaling): OK, I could describe it. Um…imagine you’re in a room… (Matt puts up his hands in front of him forming “L” shapes with each) Joel (putting down Matt’s hands): No, no. No, no, I don’t want to know how it ends (placing emphasis on the word “know”). I haven’t seen the beginning. Matt: Uh, yeah, but the ending is awesome. So if I could just play… Joel (interrupting): Son of a bitch, this is what you always do. You always spoil stuff for me. Matt: Uh, no I don’t, and if I could just play the ending for you real quick then we’ll discuss that. Joel: Motherfucker you always spoil everything before I get a chance to see it. Matt: OK, you sound like a crazy person right now, this is like psycho-talk. Remember Daniel Day-Lewis in There Will Be Blood when he was like: “I didn’t drink your milkshake!” I am seriously worried you’re gonna drink my milkshake right now. That’s what I think you’re gonna do, and then he kills that guy with a bowling pin…that’s what you sound like, that scene. With him. Joel: Which scene is that? Matt: It’s the last scene in the movie… Joel: Motherfucker! That is exactly what I’m talkin’ about! Matt: Oh, you hadn’t seen that movie? Joel: What is the matter with you? Matt: I guess…that was a poor choice of words… Joel (interrupting): I told you! I told you yesterday! I said I was gonna see it tonight! I said that to you! Matt: I guess…I should have asked since you hadn’t seen the movie, but you can’t name another time. When I’ve spoiled something for you like that. Ever. I guarantee you can’t do it. Name one other time (Joel begins to look pensive). Ever. At all. Digital sounds from the arcade machine begin in the background. Black screen with white text says: YESTERDAY Nathan: So have you been following lost this season? (Cut to Nathan standing at the arcade machine with Joel looking over Nathan’s shoulder.) Joel: No. Uh, you know I haven’t got a chance to get caught up yet (Matt rolls in on a chair with a phone up to his ear. He brings the phone down with his other hand.) I keep getting… Matt (interrupting, mildly excited): Holy shit, they moved the island and John Locke is dead (Joel pushes Matt’s chair away with his leg). Sayid went back in time and killed young Ben…(Matt crashes into some things off-screen.) Black screen with white text says: THREE WEEKS AGO (Cut to Joel sitting at his computer with his headphones on. A baseball flies in and hits Joel in the arm.) Matt (entering the frame): You see the game last night? Joel (removing his headphones): No, I TiVo’d it. I’m gonna watch it later. Matt: OK, do you want the good news first or the bad news? Joel: No, neither because I want to watch it tonight. Matt: OK, but here’s the thing: just be prepared for us to lose. Joel: Why? We lost? Matt: No, we won, it was awesome. It was the bottom of the ninth, it was like, two outs. But if your prepared for us to lose it’s gonna be a lot more exciting than if you think we’re gonna win… Joel (quietly): Alright. (Pause. Joel tackles Matt.) Matt (mid-tackle): Oh, shit. Black screen with white text says: EIGHTEEN MONTHS BEFORE THAT Joel: You know I’m only halfway through it. You know, I know it’s a kid’s book (open up to scene of Joel and Gus talking in the kitchen) but I’m really enjoying it (Matt opens the door in the background and begins to enter the scene.) Gus: Yeah, the Harry Potter series is great. There’s a lot there even if you’re an adult, you know, if you enjoy it. Matt: What are you…are you guys talking about Harry Potter? Joel: Yeah, you know, I’m only… Matt (during Joel’s line): Because I thought if… Joel: I’m only halfway through, and so don’t…don’t spoil it. Matt: The…the book (Joel affirms)? I wasn’t gonna say anything about that. I was actually gonna talk to… Joel (interrupting): That’s great, you can just, yeah. Matt: I was gonna talk the Gus about domain names. Is that OK? Gus: What’s up, you wanna register something? Matt: I have an awesome idea. Two awesome ideas actually. Number one, snapekillsdumbledore.com. Great right? Number two, snapekillsdumbledore.n… Gus (interrupting): I’m gonna guess all of these are taken already. Matt: OK, well uhhh, I have an alternate. It was just snapekilleddumbledore.dead .whatever, it doesn’t matter because it’s already happened. It’s in the past. Just, you know. Joel: I hate you (walks away). Matt: OK, straightsnapekillsgaydumbledore… Gus: That’s probably available. Black screen with white text says (music begins): 5 1/2 YEARS AGO Matt (still referring to the previous scene): OK, we’ll just go with that one. Cut to scene of Joel getting some DVDs out of a locker. Matt enters the scene just as the locker is closed. Matt (somewhat excited, holding a mostly eaten burrito): Usual Suspects. Kevin Spacey, he’s awesome in that movie. Turns out he’s the bad guy at the end (Joel drops the Usual Suspects DVD case). Really good (begins pointing at the Se7en DVD box). Oh, he’s in that movie too. Also the bad guy at the end, very strange. I like the whole “What’s in the box?” part. It’s your girlfriend’s head (begins to eat burrito). Joel frustratedly drops the DVD box, and walks off. Black screen with white text says: NOT LONG BEFORE THAT HAPPENED Open up to a scene of Joel and Matt marching in some kind of march Matt (to Joel): My favorite part though was when he wakes up and it’s all a computer program anyway. (forward time shift, or FTS) You’ve seen this right. Abrupt scene change with Joel and Matt sitting in a dimly lit room with Joel drinking a cappuccino. Matt (to Joel): The food is people. (FTS, Matt now speaking chillingly) It’s people! (FTS, Matt speaking more calmly) Fucking gross. Scene change to Joel and Matt in a store. Matt (to Joel): And the chick in the movie’s actually a dude. Didn’t see that comin’. (FTS) She was hot… Back to the baseball scene. Matt (to Joel): It was the smart guy the whole time. (FTS) Killed the comedian. (FTS) Fucker… Back to the kitchen scene. Matt (to Joel and Gus): Jason’s mom did it. Back to scene at the store. Matt (to Joel): And the cool part is, Robot Man is the good guy in this one. (FTS, Matt adopting a Schwarzenegger voice) I’ll be back! Back to the cappuccino scene. Matt (to Joel): They’re actually on Earth the whole time, never even left. (FTS, Matt raises his fist to the air) Statue of Liberty? (FTS, Matt points at the cappuccino) You gonna finish that whole thing? Black screen with white text says: BACK WHEN THAT MOVIE CAME OUT Cut to Joel standing at the arcade machine with Nathan observing behind him. Nathan (to Joel): Hey, did you check out The Sixth Sense this weekend? Joel: No, it turned out it was sold out so I didn’t…(Matt comes onto the scene) Matt: That’s super lame. Hey guys, check out this T-shirt I made (opens jacket, turns to camera, the shirt says: Bruce Willis is a GHOST!). Badass, right? Anybody else? Can you guys see this? (Joel reaches behind himself) It’s awesome, right? What’s up (zoom to show Joel pointing a gun a Matt’s stomach)? Oh… Gunshot/cut to black Cut to beginning scene, with Matt showing Joel the ending of the film. The video on the computer shows Matt lying on the ground getting shot. Matt: Bam! Down. It’s…it’s great right? The video shows Matt getting shot even more. Matt: Those…we might cut that it’s a little bit much. But watch this part at the end. Camera zooms in to see the video in higher detail. Matt, in the video, wakes up for a short time while still on the ground. Matt: Pff. It’s good stuff right? (camera pans to show Joel rolling up his sleeve and tightening his fist. So that is the cool twist ending…that you didn’t even want to watch for whatever reason. And I think that you’ll agree that, nobody’s gonna see it comin’. ‘Course, you couldn’t have seen it coming ‘cause you haven’t seen the beginning yet. But once you see that I think you’ll se how it all fits together and it’s really, you know, it plays. Did you…did you want to watch the beginning? Joel punches Matt in the face. Credits are played, as a black screens with white text. Edited by Nathan Zellner Starring Nathan Zellner as “Nathan” Roosterteeth logo (which is then crossed out) Zellnerteeth logo ALERT Hidden scene: Joel and Matt at the computer again. Matt: Did you… Joel: It’s alright. Matt: Did you have to pay for the movie or something? Was it, was it a free download or anything like that? Possibly? Trivia Next: Writer's Balk Back: The Recording Session Category:Season 1 Shorts